Maybe it’s all gonna turn out alright
And I know that it’s not, but I have to believe that it is.“
Words ringing in my ears amidst screaming children, the cool tile of the airport floor beneath me. I’m headed home for a goodbye. An ending.
Julien Baker had just released “Appointments” and it’s timing streaks my face as I sit alone watching families scurry about in front of Gate B5.
The single is the first to drop off her upcoming sophomore album Turn Out The Lights on Matador Records. On this cutting track, Ms. Baker invites us into her living room to sit down with her demons. Its honesty makes you wince at points. Wince with recognition at the demons at our own dinner table.
The singer-songwriter battles herself in the form of lithe grey-scaled dancers who follow her around, unable to escape the mental movement from within. She drives into town and one by one, each dancer spills out of the car and into the General Store with her, flitting through aisles, unbeknownst to the strangers inside.
You don’t have to remind me so much
How I disappoint you
Suggest that I talk to somebody again
That knows how to help me get better.“
Life with mental illness often feels sterile to those outside of it. They can wash their hands of it. Walk away from you or suggest you– “not to miss anymore appointments.” But to those inside of this disease, know its daily struggle of the ugly voice and how hard it is to tell it to go to bed. You just want some sleep.
Julien Baker is fearless on this track. There is something so wonderful about how pessimistic she becomes on this song. The landscape inside our minds can get dark, treacherous, even. She exits the gas station and a small sticker on the door reads,
Life is Dirty.”
It is. It is dirty. And once we acknowledge this, we can wash our hands. We can begin to scrub ourselves clean of our shitty genes…for today.
Julien Baker is the Rx. Take twice daily with 8oz. of (salt)water.
Turn Out The Lights will be released October 27 on Matador. Track list below.
3. “Turn Out the Lights”
5. “Sour Breath”
7. “Everything That Helps You Sleep”
8. “Happy to Be Here”
9. “Hurt Less”
11. “Claws in Your Back”
Julien Baker Releases Stunning Visual for “Appointments” by Sarah Schumaker
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