I watched the bartender at Will’s Pub tell a friend as his face swelled up. “What would you like?” He turned and said to a patron who didn’t look like she belonged there. He liked her. Normally, he wouldn’t. But this time, he loved her. She was there. She was alive and safe.
I kept walking up to people while Someday River was performing, watching them smile, or take a drink as I approached near. I couldn’t help but think “what if it was one of them?” I hugged everyone 10x harder than usual. I told them I loved them. I cried with them. We cried together. Orlando is crying together — with the entire world. We are so strong, but this hurts so fucking bad. Orlando is our home. Live music isn’t just something we do for pleasure. This is also our business. This is our life.
I thought of my friends — my friends that I see every week, alive and happy, and sometimes drunk at the shows I go to. These are the people I feel a family tie to. My people. My heart sunk to the bottom like a comet to the ocean floor. I would stop everything if I lost one of them.
On behalf of the entire ShowsIGoTo.com team, we mourn together the lost life of a beautiful artist and human being — Christina Grimmie. Christina’s last performance was at The Plaza Live in Orlando, FL. I can’t express enough how deeply saddened we are with this news. I cannot express how deeply saddened we are knowing that our friends were there, knowing that we could have all been there, knowing that she’s gone, knowing that everyone who witnessed this murder/suicide, or saw the crime-scene will have those images burned into their life forever … I can’t imagine how her parents and siblings (her brother watched it happen) and friends and business partners must feel. I can’t imagine how the security team feels, knowing they let someone with a gun(s) into the venue.
I’ve been watching her YouTube videos all day. Crying.
The only positivity that I’m hanging onto is knowing how strongly united we are. We have a secret Facebook group where our staff communicates and we’ve all been sharing how shattered we are by what happened. I’ve received countless phone calls, texts, Facebook messages, Snapchats … all checking to see if our family is OK. I’ve never felt the kind of love that I feel right now. Music gives us a strong sense of unity through trying to understand unexplained feelings — it connects us to one another. And, I feel very connected right now. We all are morning together, like a family. We will never forget how this feels.
It’s so important to appreciate everyone around you. Don’t take life for granted. We can all be taken away so easily. We’ll never forget how this feels.
Shows I Go To will be doing something to help and bring us all together. We just need a few days to collect our heads. If anyone wants to talk to me, or wants to talk about what happened, or the music scene, or anything, please reach out to me: firstname.lastname@example.org.
Rest in peace, Christina.
Update: Thank you to everyone who has reached out and sharing stories about how they are trying to cope and make sense of all this. I’ve been adding videos of her music from some of the touching stories that have been shared with me. I’ll continue adding. Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments or shoot me a personal email: email@example.com.